They tried to make me go but I said "No, no, no!"

Well, that was the reaction I had (minus the Amy Winehouse-esque melodrama, quietly in my head, of course) when I heard the words, "we did a review and decided to close 4 magazines... including Vanilla", coming out of our MD's mouth. That was on 16 Sep-- a day or two after the news announced Lehman Brothers had gone bust. I think I can empathise with the shock and disappointment those guys probably experienced.

Everything from start to end's still fresh in my mind though.

Just slightly over a year ago, I picked up my first copy of Vanilla outside of TCC at Paradiz Centre after a cuppa coffee (ahh, the coffee that connects us all to Vanilla) with an ex-colleague. I read it and thought, wow, would be awesome to be able to write for this mag.

The next thing I knew, I was surfing the Mediacorp job site wishing and hoping for an opening (I saw there was only Pam and Stephanie (then senior ed) on the editorial team staff list and thought, hey they need a writer... like me!). There was an opening! The job description for the magazine was like a give-away, VV :). I took a long shot and emailed my resume directly to Stephanie. The next day she replied, "Yes, Vanilla's looking for a writer. I'll forward your application to HR." I was elated.

To cut the story short, I got my dream job. Being part of Vanilla is the first step to my field of dreams in magazine journalism.

For the past 15 months, I must say that going to work at Vanilla is like... brushing my teeth: I do it willingly, automatically, zealously every morning; it's something so simple yet meaningful and it's an oh-so-good a habit to have and keep!

Plus, I'm not sure where else in a workplace I could sneak out during lunch time to swim some laps at the nearby YCK pool without getting strange stares or shocking reactions like I have not (ok, maybe sometimes from Azmin, our ex-ed assistant who sat beside me; only she knew my lunch-time indulgences. Now you do too!) at Vanilla.

I also remember how Pam and I dropped our work and drove all the way to Empress Place to take part in an (impromptu) race last year! Of course I thought, my asst ed is nuts! But as a newbie, I just went along with it... plus I love running. It's my heart and soul. That's why it's a double blow for me when Vanilla closed. I just lost my ability to run (temporarily I hope) after my bunion surgery 3 months ago and now I can't write for Vanilla. Boohoo.

From the beginning I could see myself as a Vanilla-ien for light years to come, no kidding. It could've been a platform for me to prove to myself and my friends that "youngsters these days" (I was the youngest in the team until Cas, our ed asst and designer Jenn came along) can too stick to a job like our parents stuck to their jobs for decades. But that's not to be.

Nonetheless, I (as my fellow Vanilla-iens) see this as "when a door closes, another door opens" kinda situation. It has been so far; I'll be honing beauty journalism in Style:. I think it'll be another awesome (albeit different) experience so wish me luck!